How do you get off the hedonic treadmill?

In the first year of my PhD, I made little progress in terms of research output, and I was quite self-conscious about this—the fact that I had 0 papers. I told myself that once I output just one paper, I would feel more relaxed.

Fast forward, I am in the third year of my PhD, and just in the past 6 months, I have output three first-authored papers. Granted, these papers have been in the works for the past year, but I have worked quite hard to get here. I wish I could say that I was purely motivated by how much I enjoyed the work, but to be honest, I was also overcompensating for the lack of work that occurred in my first year. I felt a need to prove (to whom?) that I was a competent researcher.

On one hand, I do feel more confident now that I have public artifacts that demonstrate I can do good work. On the other hand, I do not feel more relaxed.

The CHI deadline was this past Thursday. While I do have less weight on my shoulders now, I have been experiencing what I call post-paper anxiety. Part of it is a positive feeling – the excitement to move onto new ideas. Part of it is a negative feeling — I feel a pressure to maintain momentum, that whatever I do next has to be better, which I know is an unhealthy mindset and will ultimately lead to burnout.

It’s so easy to not practice what you preach. I have to constantly remind myself to pursue projects out of genuine interest and enjoyment, not just for the sake of a publication or clout. Every time I feel the urge to start something new, I remind myself to assess if it is actually worth my time and if it will be a useful contribution to other people. My time is a currency, and I need to spend it wisely.

Instead of asking, “Will this lead to an output?” I need to ask myself, “Will I enjoy doing this for however long it takes?” That is a much more sustainable mindset.